Homecoming

After changing my where I sleep every 20 days, packing and unpacking every three weeks, visiting airports every month and relentlessly traveling for nearly half a year, my sense of homelessness is eased by my homecoming after nine countries and five continents. Since I got closest to Thailand when we transited through Malaysia, I had always been thinking of my three weeks stopover at home. It is not a longing feeling of what I missed but recognizing what I possess within me, realizing what I am composed of.
Apart from the excitement of seeing my parents, brother, friends, my (brother’s) dog, my favourite Thai dishes, my music collections and DJ set; there is an innate curiosity deep inside me wondering how my ordinary Thai life has changed.
My previous daily world revolved around the waking up in the afternoon, doing design works before dinner (lunch by my standard), mixing practice during the early night, going out and socializing before midnight or spinning the whole night on my regular events, eating dinner (breakfast referred to office people) on the way back home; all these routines had fulfilled my life for the very past years. The world was in my palm and I enjoyed every moment of it. But this visit to Thailand has an extra dimension to me, being in Thai media.
I never imagined before that I would become the centre of anyone’s interest, I never felt commendable. Being a part of the Smirnoff Ten has proven to me that I was worthy of something. It strengthened my self-confidence, raised my self-consciousness and validated my self-approval .After all the interviews I gave, camera time I exposed, flashlights I encountered on this trip; I have found myself a different person. Now, take this spoiled soul and pour more attention from its usual environment; you get a lost soul.
My time in Thailand was like a classic Thai movie where the main character existed in a fantasy world. Nothing would ever go wrong and the path ahead was laid with rose petals. I was gravitated towards the blinding sweetness of fame. I detached myself from the reality. I spent days after days enjoying myself. I was over-daydreaming.
Then it came the moment of reality, when the flight….on an awkward morning took off from the runway. I was swiftly surrounded by truth. The stream of responsibility flooded my daydream and brought me back to the non-fiction world. My home visit was suddenly over like a lie. Just three weeks before I was wondering how I could spend my time in Thailand sufficiently. I blew it. I lost myself to the comfort and convenience of being at home. Finally, I realized that things around me were constantly revolutionizing forward while I was sinking deep down in my whirlpool of self-delusion. I was exercising my bad human qualities; I became the person I always looked down upon. But I had learned…..